"I lost 3 years of my life. Thanks Tim."
- Phil Stoddard
"I want my money back."
- Walter Smith
"There goes my shot at getting married.....
to an earthling."
- Tyler Travis
"Please give me a call. You obviously have issues to work out."
- Opra
"Thank goodness I signed a prenup"
- Melissa Burr
"What is a John? I'm told I've never made it to one in time."
- Pat Smith
"Great film!"
- Dick Cheney
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"Bob, I told you we should have adopted."
- Rita Burr
"Well Rita, if you weren't drinking so much Wild Turkey Bourbon maybe he would have turned out normal."
- Bob Burr
"What a coincidence, I'm a John as well... according to the police report."
- Scott Miller
"I will no longer be returning your phone calls." - Jeff Hornacek
"Take it from me, stick to comedy." - Woody Allen
"Don't bother coming into work tomorrow." - Andy Seubert
"This film is like a woman. Sexy, angry, and way better on Ambien."
- Tiger Woods
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